Junior Zoe Kamphuis: Living with Divorced Parents
Junior Zoe Kamphuis was 8 years old when her parents called her in for a family meeting that would completely change her life. She remembers being filled with excitement, hoping to be surprised with a family trip to Disneyland. Although she knew that was unlikely, she never anticipated what the reality of the talk would be: Her parents were getting divorced. Kamphuis only remembers a fleeting moment of sadness, which quickly disappeared. 鈥淏ecause I was so young, I felt a bit down,鈥 she said. 鈥淏ut my parents also gave me ice cream when they told me, so I wasn鈥檛 that sad.鈥
Since Kamphuis was young when her parents got divorced, she doesn鈥檛 recall struggling with adapting to the separation. The household change wasn鈥檛 particularly jarring for Kamphuis because having parents who lived separately was not a foreign concept. 鈥淟iving in separate households wasn鈥檛 something that I felt was super different or uncommon because many of my close friends had parents that also didn鈥檛 live together,鈥 she said.
However, as Kamphuis got older, her perspective began to shift slightly. Despite being okay with her parents鈥 divorce, she has sometimes envied people with married parents. 鈥淗aving married parents seems very nice and put together with their picket-fence lifestyles,鈥 Kamphuis said. 鈥淚 know that my life would probably look a lot different if my parents were still together, but at the same time, I don鈥檛 feel the need to change any aspect of my current life.鈥
Kamphuis鈥 parents had an amicable divorce and agreed that they would be happier apart. As a result, she didn鈥檛 have to deal with any custody quarrels. Her parents now share custody of her and her younger brother. Although it can be troublesome to have to carry belongings between houses, she doesn鈥檛 view it as too much of a challenge. 鈥淚t鈥檚 not really that different from a nuclear family besides the physical aspect because my parents still get along,鈥 Kamphuis said. 鈥淢y parents are still friends, so it鈥檚 not really life-changing.鈥
Despite minor inconveniences, Kamphuis believes that having two households has its benefits. She appreciates celebrating holidays twice with her parents鈥 different styles. The separation also allows her to cultivate a deep connection with both of her parents. 鈥淚鈥檓 definitely closer to my mom than I would have been if my parents didn鈥檛 get divorced,鈥 she said. 鈥淚 was always kind of a daddy鈥檚 girl, and I probably still would have been if they never got divorced.鈥
Kamphuis is grateful that she has her younger brother with her. 鈥淗e鈥檚 a very different person, but we鈥檙e still there for each other,鈥 she said. 鈥淚n general, we like being at the same house together. We get to hang out and even though we don鈥檛 get along super well, we still like to make sure that we鈥檙e in the same place.鈥
Although media portrayal of divorce is often negative, Kamphuis believes that sometimes it鈥檚 better than a harsher reality of living in a household filled with hostility. 鈥淲hen people think of divorce, it鈥檚 very negative,鈥 she said. 鈥淚 think sometimes it can be a very positive thing because it鈥檚 worse to be in a household where your parents should have gotten divorced, but didn鈥檛. Overall, both my households are very peaceful and I don鈥檛 think it would have been that way if my parents didn鈥檛 get divorced.鈥
Now that she鈥檚 older, Kamphuis understands that the divorce was needed. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think that they were meant to be together, so I鈥檓 not resentful towards it,鈥 she said. 鈥淏oth my parents are very different people, so I respect their decision.鈥